The Other Side
by Dr. F. M. Obsesser
Summary: A few questions of morality come up during a fight to the death. Ami/Makoto


Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon. Pity though, I really would have love to see Haruka's face when she walked in on Makoto and Ami making out.... The poem is Sir Phillip Sidney's translation of a Sappho poem. I don't have any connection to Sappho or Sir Phillip Sidney, though I love classical poetry.

* * *

A question she asked me on morality runs through my mind as I watch her fly over twenty feet away, hitting one of the many trees in the park.

"Would you rather die yourself or ten random people?"

Put off by the oddity of the question, I naturally responded, "Which ten?"

She chuckled as my obvious response as we turned the corner closer to the shrine, planning to meet the rest there. "The point is that it's ten random people. Maybe the person who cures cancer, maybe a group of drug traders; does it really matter? It's a matter of people, human lives."

Refusing to back down, I continued, "But it does matter. Simply put, some lives are worth more than others. We can wish that we are all equal as humans, but to believe in that is kind of naïve." Unsure completely of my response, I slowed my pace so that we would be able to talk for a longer time.

Her face darkened, and she began to slow as well, "Perhaps… but I still believe that to kill people for your own gain is wrong. Isn't that what the youma do?"

"Not gain," I shook my head, "but survival."

Probably since it went against her logic, she simply asked me again, "So, which is it?"

I laughed as I realized we were back where we started. Reaching the top of the stairs, I turned to answer her, "So, which people?"

She just pouted as I laughed, and we both walked towards our group of friends. Though I doubt it was meant to be heard, I believe she muttered, "What if I was in those ten?"

Back then I threw such thoughts of death and sacrifice away, not wishing to confront them. I wanted to hold onto the belief that I was invincible. But the longer we fought, the tougher the battles became. The tougher the battles, the further we were pushed. The further we were pushed, the closer and closer death was to us.

This battle is perhaps the closest one yet. The youma is strong, abnormally so. We are short on people, and after twenty minutes of all out fighting, we're all extremely tired. I have bruises and cuts all down my legs and arms, a seemingly sprained ankle and at least one dislocated shoulder. Though perhaps more guilty than the rest, we all jumped in too carelessly, underestimating the strength of this youma.

Death is knocking.

But the moment I saw her flying, I knew my answer, my action. There really is only one. If one of us has to die tonight in this battle, who would it be? Who _should _it be?

As I run over to the monster in possibly in my last strike ever, I whisper to myself, "I'd rather it be me."

* * *

As I watch her run towards the youma in an attack that would definitely kill her, a question runs through my mind.

"Would you rather die yourself or ten random people?"

I asked her that a few weeks ago and could only internally smile when she answered "which ten?" Really, I think that's the best answer. Because she's completely right: it _does_ matter. A scientist with on the verge of curing AIDs is worth more to society as a whole than a marijuana smoker who drains the economy by importing his drug of choice. But at the same time, one's lack of knowledge of the future makes it impossible to know if the marijuana addict will end up feeding the economy if pot became legal or if that scientist will suddenly give up or die and not change a thing. You don't know. You can't know.

And that's what always made the question fun. The justifications, that is. It really allows you to look into someone's mind, what they value. Do they look into the future? Do they place the society over the individual or the individual over society? Or rather, do they just answer out of survival instinct?

I think it's hard to say you'll die.

I mean, mentally hard. To say that you're just going to drop all relationships, all the work you've done, everything you've always seen as an accomplishment, and let it go to save other random people who probably would never know the sacrifice. It's hard to admit that to yourself. Almost that you don't care about the things you're leaving behind.

How wrong that is.

Death as a sacrifice is one of the greatest, most selfless things you can do. It's like instant karma, though you have no use for karma anymore. Still, it's honorable.

I wish I could think that as I see her run towards the youma. That she's doing the honorable thing. By killing this youma here and now, even if it'll kill her, she saving lives. She's thinking of all the people she could save. She's being noble. Right?

But how come I wish she would do anything but? I know one of us would have to strike and whoever did would probably die, but I still wish it was someone else. Anyone else. I don't, couldn't want her die. I care for all the other senshi around me, it's just….

She's her. There's nothing more to it than that.

I gulp as a brace myself for the scream of her death. My muscles twitch against my heart. Logically, I should stay here behind the tree, but FUCK! I don't want to!

I want to be held in her arms, never having to move. I want to be able to wake up every morning and not want to get out of bed because she's there smiling at me. Hell, I want to never be without her, have to live one second without knowing she's okay. Just the thought of never seeing her again makes my chest ache and feel like throwing up. I need to feel her arms around me. I ache for her touch, her lips, and her gentle voice. Those three words.

My whole existence seems bane without her.

And finally, with cynicism foaming at the mouth, I get why the question asks for "ten random people". Because you never once would imagine that one of those people is connected in such a force of desire. Lust. Love.

The easiest question in the world then comes to mind.

"Would you rather kill ten random people or the one you love?" Easy.

"Would you rather kill a hundred random people or the one you love?" Still easy.

"Would you rather kill a thousand random people or the one you love?" By now I'm rolling my eyes to the sky. I think I get it by now.

"Would you rather kill ten thousand random people or the one you love?" My muscles relax as they realize what I'm doing. Yes, they seem to agree, this is much better.

"Would you rather kill yourself or the one you love?"

I flinch at the last question because I know her answer. I know mine. And I know they're the same.

"Makoto!" I scream as I run after her.

* * *

My job sucks.

Okay, okay. I know they think that I can't think. That I'm just some stupid youma. That I'm possessed and my goal is to kill them. But sometimes these senshi are so damn stupid! I mean, they seem to forget that I was something before I turned into a youma. I'm not without a soul.

And that's why I feel sorry for the girl running towards me, the senshi of lightning if the burn on my arm is any reminder. All her friends are hiding behind debris or other forms of cover. And before jumping over her cover and running towards me, she spent a good few minutes looking over at that senshi in blue, the water one, who has been sneaking extra glances over at the thunder one the whole battle.

"My muse, what ails this ardour?  
Mine eys be dym, my lymbs shake,  
My voice is hoarse, my throte scorcht,  
My tong to this roofe cleaves,  
My fancy amazde, my thoughtes dull'd,  
My head doth ake, my life faints  
My sowle begins to take leave,  
So greate a passion all feele,  
To think a soare so deadly  
I should so rashly ripp up."

Damn too true Sapphic poetry.

I feel sorry for them. It's hard enough to love and find someone to love you back. But to be gay? To love your friend who you need to watch fight and get hurt constantly? That must just be hard. Indescribably so.

You have the want to hug and cuddle and kiss every time you're around her, but society tells you no, maybe your friends or parents tell you no, your status tells you no, and sometimes you say no. You need to go against your instinct and not do everything straight couples take for granted. Sometimes you need to limit your passion to get the job done, ignore her pain and your own and fight anyway.

As I said, I really hate my job.

Here are these two girls, either in love or at least a couple, and they are going against their heart's desire to just run and hold each other. And the hardheaded one, the thunder, is running towards me in attempt to save the other.

She thinks that no one heard her, but I heard her whisper "I'd rather it be me."

Idiot.

She thinks that by striking me, she can save her love. She knows she'll be killed if this doesn't work. And she knows, from that shoulder of hers, that she shouldn't be doing this alone. And yet....

Idiot.

The blue one is watching her with pain and sorrow in her eyes. I think I just saw a tear fall down her cheek, tracing the line she wishes her lover's lips would take. Down her cheek to her open lips. It splashes on the ground.

Idiots.

Why won't anyone do anything? They are perfectly happy to see this maybe sixteen year old girl sacrifice herself for everyone else, knowing that everyone is going to be devastated, and the water one will probably blame herself and never perform well again. They know this and do nothing. Fuck. These humans really have no care outside their own little sphere, do they?! They are thinking "oh, well, _my_ love is okay and not dieing. So everything's alright!" Include giggle here.

Damn pieces of shit!

I hate humans for this. Their inability for empathy. I mean, some try, but when it comes down to life or death, they are ultimately selfish beings.

As I see the water one pull herself up, I realize the only reason she does is because it's her lover running towards me. If it was someone else, she would still be hiding, probably only thinking about if _her _senshi was okay.

Rolling my eyes, I look at the thunder girl about a yard away from me and the water girl who just yelled a name and is running towards me too. They care too much about each other. The thunder is going to stop and look at the water, and they are going to look at each other with caring eyes and make me gag.

But a small smile crosses my face anyway as they follow my prediction scene per scene. An interesting turn happens when the thunder says, easily jumping out of my half-heartedly thrown punch: "Get away from here."

Little glee runs through me as drama and argument feed. This is going to be fun. The water is going to yell and tell her she's an idiot. And the thunder will try to defend her position by saying, "I want to protect you." Blah Blah Blah.

The water looks up at the thunder and said nothing. They just connect eyes.

And smile.

What the hell?

Nothing. No yelling. Just a smile.

I'm three seconds from crushing and killing them both, and they smile?!?!

Humans.

I fake surprise and move, exposing a weak spot. They hit me, and as I fall back, finally one of the other girls stand up and yell something in an almost ear-piercing shriek.

The recognition that I've lost washes over me, but I just smile. I knew I would let myself lose as soon as I saw the water get up and run towards the other.

They are celebrating their victory over me; hugging, laughing, and I just fade away.

Letting out a sigh, I close my eyes. But over the calamity in front of me, I hear a soft voice.

"Thank you."

Well, at least someone appreciates my loss of life.

My sacrifice.


End file.
